Dear Trey
by KateMonster
Summary: Ryan tries to write a letter to his brother. Set immediately after "The Gamble".


1. Dear Trey,  
  
Hi. Well, I guess I should write just because a lot of things have been chan  
  
2. Trey,  
  
Write and let me know you're okay. I've been worried. I hope you're okay. I know you can handle yourself and all, but I worry anyways. I know jail's no fun. Maybe that's the understatement of the year. I was in juvie for a couple of days this week, long story, so I can just imagine what things must be like where you are. I really hope you're okay. But if you stay put and wait out your sentence, maybe when you get out we can  
  
3. Dear Trey,  
  
Hey, what's up? Did anybody tell  
  
4. Dear Trey,  
  
I've been thinking a lot lately about family and what it means. You and I both know our family left some things to be desired. We talked about it once or twice. When we actually talked. About how much better other peoples' lives were than ours. But at the same time, part of me misses it. I mean, I shouldn't. Everything where I am now is really cool. It's like everything I always wanted, but it doesn't feel like mine yet, if you know what I mean. I got this one guy who's almost like a br  
  
5. Hey Trey  
  
Hi from Ryaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
  
6. Dear Trey,  
  
How are things in jail? Hope everything is. What? Where am I going with this? Start over.  
  
7. Dear Trey,  
  
Fuck you.  
  
8. Yo Trey,  
  
Just so you know, I'm in Newport Beach now. My new address is on this envelope. I should be here for awhile now. I hope.  
  
Everything's starting to calm down a little. I don't know if you heard or not, but Mom doesn't have custody of me anymore, I'm staying with my attorney now, Mr. Cohen. I can tell you more about it when I see you again. I don't know what Mom's new address is. She didn't leave it.  
  
I've got another month till school starts, I guess I'll be starting a new school. We're trying to get my records and all transferred before then. So I can be a real person with a file and everything. Yay. Speaking of files, my juvenile file is getting worse. Guess what, I burned a house down, but at least I'm getting off this timeeeeeeeeee no you idiot don't tell him about the fucking fire he doesn't want to HEAR it he doesn't need that right now  
  
9. Trey,  
  
I hope you fucking rot in jail, you scum-faced bastard. What the fucking hell were you thinking? Maybe things weren't great before, but do you realize that because of you and your asinine idiotic ideas, I've been kicked out of like eight different places? In a week? I fucking spent time in juvie hall? Mom thinks she's failed, all because of you and your stupid dumbass stunts going wrong one too many times. Oh, yeah, by the way, we have no fucking family anymore cause of you, either. Mom gave up custody, and now I'm living with my fucking attorney. Nice one there. Not that it's that bad here, but you're still a fucking assh  
  
10. Hey Trey,  
  
Hi from your kid bro. Word up. Did anybody tell you I moved? Well I did. We all kind of thought I might be better off with my attorney, so I'm at his place for awhile. It's not too bad, they have a pool and Playstation and stuff, actually, it's pretty good. Different. But good. I think things are finally going to settle down, maybe I can have a semi- normal existen  
  
11. Dear Scum-Faced Bastar  
  
12. Dear Mr. Trey Atwood,  
  
I wanted to inform you that I, your brother, Ryan Atwood, have relocated to Newport Beach, CA. You can reach me at the address on the outside of this envelope. I will be residing with my attorney and his family. Mom signed the papers and everything, so it's official now. It all happened pretty fast.  
  
I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know anything anymore. It's hard to figure it all out. Do you remember when I was a kid and you took me on that spinning teacup ride thing at Disneyland and I was scared to death and I screamed and I barfed all over you? You kept telling me it'd be fine, it'd all be okay and I should just relax and enjoy it, but I hated you after that. That's how I feel now. I don't know from day to day where I'll spend the night, what kind of family I'll have when I go to bed, what kind of family I'll have when I wake up. Everything just keeps going round and round, and I get whatever deal they offer me, I'm dependent on other people being nice to me, and that's not a situation I ever wanted to be in. I guess things are kind of stable now. I still might barf, and you're gonna pound me when I do. Just like the last time. I feel stuck on the teacup ride. I want to get off. I want it to stop.  
  
The kids here are strange. It's everything we always said we wanted, but some of them just don't seem human. A couple of them are almost okay. But I still feel like everybody's staring at me. I'd stare at me, too, if I was them. You should really see these kids. It's like fucking Cosmopolitan magazine or something.  
  
I don't even know what to think about you anymore. I thought I knew what it was like to have a brother, cause duh, you're my brother, but now here I have a foster brother, and it's completely different. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Seth. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, either, but that's different. Real different. I hate you right now. I hope you understand why. You're still my brother, but part of me hates you right now. Part of me misses you a lot, too.  
  
I don't even know what I'm trying to tell you, and I think I'm going to start over again and I'm never going to finish this damn letter. But I wish I could tell you how I feel. I wish I knew how I felt. I wish I could tell anybody how I felt, but nobody understands me. You never did understand me. You always said I was too brainy. And with those words you dismissed me. And nobody here understands me cause they all think I'm too tough. And they dismiss me. Most of them, anyway. Wish you were here to hear that one. You'd shit a brick hearing me say that stuff.  
  
Fuck this shit.  
  
13. Dear Trey,  
  
Hey man. Hope you're doing okay. I'll try to get down there when I can. I heard Mom came down there. Maybe you should see her next time. She's having a hard time now. But at least she's single again. I guess that's good.  
  
My new address is on the outside of this envelope. You can write me here. I'll get it.  
  
Love  
  
Your brother,  
  
Ryan Atwood 


End file.
